inner(outer)vox.

i gave and i received today.

i've been thinking about it and it's a wild thought to know that i have no contact with my blood after it's taken away from me. however it, then, belongs to someone else. is it unconditional love because of the the not knowing, no pre-existing conditions of the exchange? i received an intense amount of priceless, first hand reviews of a building in princeton. i need to think, but i really need to sleep. goodnight little girl trapped inside me. i will start taking care of you. i do believe i can only offer unconditional love to strangers and acquiescences. it's really hurtful to acknowledge that. (skipping all the self festering) blahblahblah by ke$ha was talked about in radigals tonight. i danced.

on this is what my arm looks like now. it looks worse in person.

look who said good morning to me this morning,

bleak introduction to the day.

but i must say that i do enjoy going into a building when it is dark-dark out and coming out to sunshine and bird noises. well, all except this little guy.

RIP

shuffle amongst gym scuff

i can pretend i am okay, if okay means i am not.

beautiful heads, but no brains.

belles tetes, mais de cervelle point

honore daumier

1834

i already feel

a black cloud

i thought

don't want

and don't speak

i live and i see

eric bularer 1972

vserolod nikolaevich nekrasov

is married to

oleg tselkov

golgotha

one enormous orphanhood

one enormous emptiness

yu. baltrushaitis

at the crossroads

i had to push a button

under a blue light

to the right

too make the

lumia aurora appear

this is for real

earl reiback

1970

fox and bust

unidentified

1834

where is

valentia kropivnitskaia?

at the bottom of

five black coffees.

i write all day, feverously. at 11:08PM i only end with fragments of what i think, see and saw. he writes of importance and nuances. i write the mundane and incomprehensible.

sunday day&night.

we could not see the rooftops nor could my sandwich stop sweating.

mares, and their reins.

nightmares @533am

dw;ntwn.

i find myself saying something then cementing it with purpose and reasoning. or responding to someone's observations with more of the same. a few years ago i made a resolution to stop explaining the world and it obviously was never practiced. my own brain is my wonderland and not everyone needs access to it. stop explaining. stop waiting for explanations. things just proceed however(ly).

mindminemindminemindmine[abcdefgh]mindminemindeminemindd

ripout instead of cutout.

breakfast tomorrow:

almond milk pumpkin pancakes.

and i'm actually following the recipe [from a shoprite magazine].... well, enerG instead of the 2 eggs called for.

ps. studying seems much lamer now.

10101010.

bye 9.

hi 10.

cate was my new years kiss, then jonathan.

1. talk to dad every day

2. gluten-free lifestyle

3. make big dinner on sundays

4. quit licking the batter in the bowl

5 empower people or be like brian porbansky

[EDIT] 6. stop giving reasons, explaining my thoughts & action

porbansky styled new years means loving people, being nice, making strange faces, growing guts, vegan deliciousness and doing absurd things. i hope this is how 2010 will stay.

british cars/christmas lights.

the most intense dreams are coming in, between my ears; and all i do is sleep.

my grandfather is singing into the telephone,

every year i change, and i cannot wait for this one to start. i have purged 99% of negative head demons in the purely dysfunctional holmdel residence. i'm glad i can leave my mess here and go to my home renewed. i have until the 1st to get myself ordered. i put aside january's rent and it's going to be really tight until the semester starts. i have a lot of reading to do & weight to lose so i'm sure i won't even notice the small pockets of the month. my dad got my jung's redbook for a belated birthday present; i'm absorded.

he told me he's trying out his beard trimmer, i'm extremely nervous. fur? my grandma wants me to come to cluj. adria's playlist has miss tk & the revenge? i didn't see my mom since the 23rd? my mom finally came back from ac and tried to put liquor in my jasmine tea? the i watched gummo with adria? everything is in an illogical blender of a world.

lifting my head hurts,

but i keep checking to see if my professor emailed me back; an incomplete in biochem is giving me nightmares every time i doze off. i was supposed to go to lauren's birthday dinner, hopefully cate will give her my wishes. davey's only eating out of my hand and its getting annoying, but at least that makes one of us. moon pix has been on repeat for over 24 hours. being sick is the worst, i have nothing to do but feel bad i'm not being productive. cate, laura visit me.

sss.

fever, night shivering sweats, swollen throat, all i can do is lay down not even talk. i had to email, and i feel ashamed to push it back, but picking up a book is too heavy of a weight.

pup bark.

davey is in some sort of dream state and he keeps hyperventilating/moaning. the noises are cute, but i'm not sure if i should wake him. apparently, we make the same sleep noises. i'm attractive: these are reasons why my bed should only be for 1 person.

happy birthday cate!

i got a piggy in a shell and a piggy in my bed with a developing sore throat. christmas party tonight, bake bake bake. oh, and i saw my first shooting star tonight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATE!

productivity on the phone.

he spoke, i listened. i spoke a lot more and simultaneously googled up kupffer cells and other cellular players. next dog: kupffer the scruffpup. he will not look like this:

but maybe he will phagocytize weaker animals in my next apartment (the liver). this is exam is going to play out like candyland.

vi[DEO]phone.

stayed up all night with beyonce, such productive vibrations.

she is the ahh-mazing.

four ladies tonight with loose legs.

studying is the only thing i should have/will be from now on be doing instead of enjoying all the greatest group of friends. almost all of everyones christmas presents have come in, so i can focus for a few more days. jillian gave me the best compliments about this one.

cloisters/

if you could only see the beast you made of me

i held it in but now it seems you set it running

screaming in the dark, i hunt when we're apart

drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

my fingers claw your skin, try to tempt my way in

you are the moon that breaks the night for which i have to howl

f&tm.