Monday, April 25, 2011

slip it in, repeat repeat repeat.

i get so wound up
i feel so let down

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Friday, April 8, 2011

how can i fix myself

when there are so many more serious issues to tackle.
how can people do this to dogs? let alone other people.
make me inherently tougher.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

ffo ylgnibmun

the sheer number of revisions
my corpse like appearance/state of mind
i'm in hell, on a treadmill.
but i absolutely shouldn't complain.
japanese life is real.
this isn't.

it's the constant comparison leaving you without any self-justification
i'm very much alive and not miserable,
but i can't feel any of it.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

butter on the toast of things face down.

why can't you be polite?

rounding the final 10 pages and a rough'n'tough revise.
please, let me (get through it) pass.
too much anxiety for this skin to take/ cyclic anxiety & desperation.
fall back, lay down, get up, die a little, :ll
itching & howling on black screens & mute.

Friday, March 11, 2011

cnn updates my morning on how the 2012 annihilation is true.

misery is a worldly plague.
natori, japan
this is heartbreaking

Monday, March 7, 2011

i am.

it's me, the eel again.
i keep reoccuring.
can't you see?
i think it's meant to be,
you & me.
i could crawl onto your
thigh and make it my home
i shock and tingle but i'm
real unlike the many of others.

i sigh, "it figures."
the only forevers in my life
are the figures.
they dominate my thoughts
and urge, plead.
they are ruthless,
yet i baby them with a relocation
far from my heart but still nestled in my skin.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

emitthgin lavirra.

this time, it's more like larva,
whom my mind imitates every night.
i smoke them out with incense
and the burning of banana brulee wax.
it's so deep and metaphoric.

but in reality, they do die.
only then, am i allowed to sleep
or die a little in myself.

Friday, March 4, 2011


under my tongue, not from it.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


gnileefysuolysuolysyoly, and it looks like seriously.
or eel or oily, leefy, which sounds like flighty,
which again i know i am.
but i concentrate on the grim tank, cutting board,
evaporation, dry to the point of dissociation,
an even grimmer winter, and serious.
i remind myself that i l--- winter,
but again i cannot bare to handle that word
but bare, it has the wishing for bear.
impossible association because i am still institutionalized,
institutionalized still.

it looks and feels like a lousy, oily eel without a leaf
and its serious.

but again in clarification, an eel is not
deep fried and slice for the appetite.
an eel is found in the korean supermarket
as opposing the bowl of mudskippers,
both are dying,
in stark contrast, its the eel though.

[personal note: _______________.]

Monday, February 28, 2011