darken more.

saturday morning, 4:40am to be exact - i watched the ending of control with my mother before i went to do fieldwork; for she insisted on cooking me breakfast. i dyed my hair to its natural dark brunette tone, and currently i am watching bergman's hour of the wolf interview.

i believe i am mourning you. everything is darker, but i'm enjoying it now. i miss your mouth, but in actively missing i remember the void. i am more passive of a actor today. is mourning the right word when you don't want it back? i suppose i cannot communicate this properly since i've acknowledged this emptiness, yet slightly fetishistic over the thought of being so. sullen salting, salutations and salivations.