Sunday, March 1, 2009

processes of communication & salt requirements.
piping - is postulated that it's a form of battle cry announcing to competing queens and the workers their willingness to fight. it may also be a signal to the worker bees which queen is the most worthwhile to support. the piping sound is a G♯ or A♮. the adult queen pipes for a two-second pulse followed by a series of quarter-second toots.
a battle cry of empowerment and need to be solitary, hm. personally not so much. i honestly feel great, like really 87% enjoying my existence until i let someone get too close and for some reason i loss all life sustaining logic and become ridiculously awkward. i talked to nick about it, figuring of all people he'd be able to pinpoint why i get so pained by these sort of human to human experiences. i expected some skewed, asshole remarks and i was remarkably wrong. he had an enlightened hypothesis. it actually resonated to my way of thinking, so i concluded that... i really do need to float superficially with the opposite sex for very long time or maybe even ever until 'someone' is worth and deep enough to plunge into. i took his words as saying i find too shallow bodies (bodies of water) to plunge into. so metaphorically: i see a boy, think he's wonderful deep lake and i want to dive into it and really enjoy it, but i smash my nose into the concrete because all it was a rain puddle. so at the heart of this conclusion, i am to blame for misinterpreting. or maybe that's even an egotistical comparison. it's more like i'm a salt water fish and i keep finding myself in fresh water, thinking it'd be salt, and i die. for every other freshwater fish that water would taste delicious but i need salt.

that was quite a tangent, anyways, so i think nick actually said that i am crazy, on a high-horse, too , should take a vacation, and practice more cautiousness; all which i honestly do not think is neccessarally correct, except for the last one and maybe the first one. he doesn't understand my way of thinking, so i'm crazy, whatever. maybe he gets 12% of me but he's the closest i have understanding how i work out my thoughts. so a conversation worth having. i stopped crying, put on some makeup over my puffy face and stepped out of the door. then i returned home and i slept? no repression, i cleaned out the wound, stitched it, hide it only for the sake of keeping an infection at bay, and how there's no use on remembering its pain cause it's in the process of healing and it'll resume normally soon enough. it's biological.

i hope to see cate tonight and we will lick honeyed spoons and watch igor, maybe start an aquarium of our own.

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