i've been running to this so much,

since i don't have any time in the day to talk to cate besides our 'goodmorning's and 'ah this is too good to be true's. but i need to spill all this out.... after another 6 hour stretch of biochemistry in a lonely dimly lit desk, i went to the campus center and watched 'girls like us'

"the 1997 award winning documentary by Jane Wagner and Tina DiFeliciantonio, “Girls Like Us”. The documentary reveals the conflicts of growing up female by examining the impact of class, sexism, and violence on the dreams and expectations of young girls. Open discussion will follow screening."

with all these ladies - and it was like a mental purge.

watch this, half related, not really about the film tonight:

i'm not in bed yet,

because matt is telling how much he loves donald judd and tortoise. i still think this looks like an urban outfitters or ikea shelf. i really don't understand it nor do i respect it.

overcomplicate me, make me feel minuscule, hurt me on some level, let me lose it in vertigo or pain it in a headache - i want to fall into it, art, literature, experience. something simple cannot register in this head. look like mushrooms, i mean fuck look at the biochemistry of proteins and what/how they fold - so detailed, ruled, inexplicable in it's exact process, just humans trying to grapple at its complexity. things that seem above me are the only things i feel are valuable.

this was "our meeting in the middle" mark di suver. mhm - tragic, cancerous oxidation. i'd read rilke to it.

it's a robert motherwell kind of day.

this is how i feel.

branching.

adrienne rich's reading tonight spun me around into a new vibration. i have an answer to some reoccurring persistent thoughts: forest and neurons on the mind.

long ago i loved you so much, nowadays i just don’t know much anymore. i can’t say what is real" - peter and the wolf

i need a lift.

morning read.

Indian Women Find New Peace in Rail Commute

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/16/world/asia/16ladies.html

and a comment that stuck out:

"My point is, it's easy to take an armchair anthropology stance and stamp the "backwards" mark on foreign cultures, but we're not terribly different in some ways. Kudos to India for at least trying to make it just a bit easier for women to get on with their days." -Nadine, Pennsylvania. September 15th, 2009

dear cate,

watch this, this is what i do on the daily :)

http://exploratorium.edu/imaging_station/hbvideo.php?Asset=GFP%20%3Cem%3EC.%20elegans%3C/em%3E&Width=720&Height=530&Location=gal_media/celegans/celegans_gfp/celegans_gfp_hb.swf

lovingly,

silvana

effect missing.

there's a bug somewhere under my skin who is oozing into a malfunction. i can't get at it. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin with no solution in sight: day to day.

robert motherwell.

butternut squash soup and pumpkin pie for dinner. i was born in the best season. and along those best kind of lines, i saw cate was reading nausea so i decided to cracked it out again. i hope it'd sort out the thoughts in my brain and under my skin. neurotics to cure neurosis, hm logic?

"feelings are just how things feel to us; neither 'objective' nor 'subjective' but both, since all 'things' are the result of an interaction with body-mind and the external world. it is natural to rearrange or invent in order to bring about states of feelings that we like, just as a new tenant refurnishes a house" rm.

gorky and i.

feeling it.

why am i awake?

5am vole trappings in cranberry bogs leads to burzum.

entry due to cate's phone dying.

i got a package from belgium today, oh goody! after my first day of classes, i left loving my molecular bio/biochemistry professor; he has a ponytail. princeton, holmdel, highland park tomorrow: happy birthday now non-absent father. veruca salts' america thighs continuation...
OH! and i'm watching this tonight